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Embarrassing Spanish Mistakes That Your Friends Won’t Tell You About

If you’re reading this, you’re probably assuming that my friends are mean to me. Yes, they are, but that is beside the point.

Hold on to your sangria, kids. It’s time for today’s embarrassing story time.

I started learning the good old Español back in 2016. Like many Brits travelling to South America, I wanted to learn the basics. One wishes she would have googled “Spanish mistakes not to make” or “The most embarrassing Spanish mistakes ever”.

“What could be so bad?”, you may ask yourself. Let us wander back in time…

1. “Estoy caliente” – “I am sexually aroused”, NOT “I am warm”.

This is how I told everyone that I was hot. When I say everyone, I mean literally every individual who asked me how I was. You see, us Brits are used to talking about the weather because, frankly, it’s all we have and we dislike small talk. It was natural for me to explain my sweatiness in Brazil, Bolivia, Peru, Ecuador and Colombia. Five countries and So. Many. People. who were greeted with “I am sexually aroused”.

The lady in the laundromat in Cali. The trainer who opened the door to me at my friends’ hostel. The friends who NEVER corrected me.

2. “Estoy satisfecha” – “I am satisfied”, NOT “I am full”.

This one haunts me to this day. I don’t know how many times I have said this or who to. Unfortunately, I think I said it to our sixty-year-old housemate at the dinner table. I guess I know now why he thought butt-gazing was acceptable.

I finally figured out that “satisfecha” had sexual connotations when my girlfriend pointed out that “llena” is the correct word for “full”. Too little too late, Biby.

3. “Polla” – Male genitals, NOT “chicken”

I thought I would leave the most painful for last.

A very hungover Amber once went to grab a sandwich. Chicken sounded good. Upon asking for said sandwich, Amber was met by shock and laughter. She thought that maybe this was because she had jumbled her words up, having said something more like “con polla” than “pollo”. In a state of confusion, Amber asked the internet if “polla” meant something. Unfortunately, it did in Spain, and Amber had asked for a “D*** sandwich”.

Embarrassing Spanish Mistakes That Your Friends Won’t Tell You About

You are probably thinking “Why did no one correct you?”. The answer is simple. People are douchebags.

I did, however, get my own back. I can (proudly) say that I taught the aforementioned friends rude words in English by accompanying them with innocent meanings. My friend Manuel is probably in Liverpool asking for punani. Bless him 🙂

Have you ever made any embarrassing language slip-ups? Do you know what your Chinese tattoo REALLY means? Let me know in the comments below. I am competitive.